Dear readers,
I am Nyayo, a close friend of Mwalimu Andrew I also add up as his uncle and village matters adviser. I have known Mwalimu for years since he is my age mate, location mate, village mate, age mate and former school mate. However I was surprised to find that he always writes negatively about me! I came to know this when I sent Sandra (my daughter) to buy Omena. The paper that wrapped Omena had one of his “cooked” stories that I hear are beated in the Nation always Sundasy. He has potrayed Mwisho Wa Lami village and its people negatively in those articles. For the few who been privileged to go to Mwisho Wa Lami, they will tell you that this is a village that is blessed! It has a secondary school, a primary school (Where Mwalimu Andrew teaches and goes ahead to abuseit) and many its people are comfortable with life as no is complaining about it. I am a law abiding citizen whose ambition in life is to ensure all people in Mwisho Wa Lami are burried well! I have a lot of skills on management of village issues and life in general. This can be portrayed by the fact that I was chosen to be the chairman of class 7 in Mwisho Wa Lami Primary before i run away when a teacher called Rashid wanted to bath me in front of teh students. I am a hardworking citizen who plays a crucial role in the development of Kenyan economy. I am rated the best when it comes to ,easuring and supervising the digging or grave sin Mwisho wa lami. I am teh Chairman of teh grave digging Commitee here and i also supervise the burials. Mwalimu Andrew has not been coming for grave diggong and is never there during burials. Lets wait and see what wil happen when he dies or someone in his family kicks teh blanket. They will arrange themselves i tell you.
Mwalimu Andrew has portrayed me as a person who cannot be trusted by anyone and a very dishonest person. I remember once when he said that I had stolen his Kaunda suit during the 2010 world cup march that Manchester United worn. This was a total lie! How can I still a green Kaunda suit like that one? Me i can only still overall of blue colour. When will I wear a green kaunda suit? I think Mwalimu is trying to be jealousy of me because I own as more than he owns despite of him going to college and being a teacher.
Mwalimu Andrew is just but a lazy village teacher whose ambition is to outshine everyone when it comes to talking English. Every time I tell him that we can’t eat the English that he so much values. I encourage him always to work hard and always tell him to encourage the sons and daughters of Mwisho Wa Lami to work hard in and to help their parents. This can be justified with the fact that I together with Rashid and the area Councilor collaborated to abolish early morning and late evening classes; the time our sons and daughter should be helping at home.
Mwalimu doesn’t remember where he has come from that is why he moves around the village stepping on everyone’s feet including his father, a clear sign that he does not respect the elders.
I sometimes wonder what future holds for Mwalimu, I was his classmate several years ago. I am now married with five children! What does Mwalimu have to show for the life he has lived?
Despite all these, there are some things that we love Mwalimu for, one is his generosity. Mwalimu is very generous when it comes to buying pickups at Hitler’s. I must confess that I was saddened the other day when he had a huge debt of Kshs. 175 at Hitler’s! This prompted him to start going to church and many are the times I went without Hitler’s famous stuff. I must confess also that I am happy that he is back to his normal routine since he has now paid debt and we will be meeting at our “church” – Hitler’s.
Contact Julius Moga
Email: juliusmoga@gmail.com
Facebook: Julius Morgan ( Matei O Moga)
Twitter: @Jmatei
Monday, October 24, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
RIGHT OF REPLY - WESONGA TAKES GREAT EXCEPTION OF MWALIMU'S CLAIMS
I am an innocent student writing this in reply to Mwalimu Andrew with regard to the claims he has repeatedly made against me in the Sunday Nation. Most of the allegations are outrageos, to say the least. In fact if I had money, this is a matter over which I would have filed a legal suit. If he were not my friend, his claims would have amounted to hate speech.
I have been imagining that Mwalimu Andrew is capable of displaying some acceptable level of decency. I have given him that benefit of the doubt even though I know it is never beyond him to execute a smear campaign against me to devastating effect. He has now gone to a degree of claiming that I don’t buy toilet paper. Worse, he described an impossible means by which I get past that obstacle.
One might betempted to think that he did this deliberately. He did so because he simply does not have resources within his personality to deal with his weaknesses. What Mwalimu does not know is that making other people look bad only enhances his own weaknesses.
I almost believed that Mwalimu Andrew has finally decided to do something useful with his life when he decided to advance his education in KU. Unfortunately, if there is anything KU has done to Mwalimu, is to give him a big head. He now mistakenly thinks he has the intellectual resources to manipulate facts to the disadvantage of other people. Were you to tell Mwalimu to list all the good things he knows about himself, he will not reach double digits. Yet he now sees fit to embarrass me.
With abundant reluctance, I would like to state that I now know the reason why Mwalimu Andrew’s life has become synonymous with trouble. As soon as he starts doing something sensible, he suddenly becomes himself: conservative, naïve and sadly, a man of cheap retrogressive ideas who can’t fully comprehend a matterof any complexity.
I would like to acknowledge the truth in some of the things Mwalimu wrote. It is indeed true that we were both broke when we arrived at KU for the current session. What he did not say is that he never has money. As he has repeatedly said himself, we do not know how rich he is but we are sure of how poor he is. This explains why for three consecutive sessions in KU, he has successfully encouraged me to pirate in other people’s rooms like him.
Living with Mwalimu is a complicated affair. Things are better here right now because the state of his pocket has condemned him to bananas. Last session it was difficult because he could afford sukuma wiki on a regular basis. He was free to convert himself into a rabbit if he wanted. The problem was he kept sukuma wiki for so long, almost with the intention of turning it into manure before cooking.
I also find it necessary to comment on Mwalimu’s dressing. I would consider him a man of talent if he dressed in his green suits with a singular objective of amusing people. On the contrary, he dresses that way with the intention of looking good. The ladies he says he impresses in fact only follow him because of his peculiar attire. They find it quite adventurous to be in the company of a man who unknowingly cuts such a comical figure. These ladies have eventually turned him into an absurdity. He is now under the imagination that he is a ladies’-man. Indeed, his relations with the female species has only led him to a lot of trouble – most of which I do not want to reveal here.
I would like to end by issuing a disclaimer. I have made the comments above in absolute good faith. Any negative portrayal of Mwalimu is therefore regretted and beyond my original intention. He is a good friend of mine. That is not to say that he can improve on a few aspects of his life. Starting with his dressing!
Regards,
wesongarobert@yahoo.com
I have been imagining that Mwalimu Andrew is capable of displaying some acceptable level of decency. I have given him that benefit of the doubt even though I know it is never beyond him to execute a smear campaign against me to devastating effect. He has now gone to a degree of claiming that I don’t buy toilet paper. Worse, he described an impossible means by which I get past that obstacle.
One might betempted to think that he did this deliberately. He did so because he simply does not have resources within his personality to deal with his weaknesses. What Mwalimu does not know is that making other people look bad only enhances his own weaknesses.
I almost believed that Mwalimu Andrew has finally decided to do something useful with his life when he decided to advance his education in KU. Unfortunately, if there is anything KU has done to Mwalimu, is to give him a big head. He now mistakenly thinks he has the intellectual resources to manipulate facts to the disadvantage of other people. Were you to tell Mwalimu to list all the good things he knows about himself, he will not reach double digits. Yet he now sees fit to embarrass me.
With abundant reluctance, I would like to state that I now know the reason why Mwalimu Andrew’s life has become synonymous with trouble. As soon as he starts doing something sensible, he suddenly becomes himself: conservative, naïve and sadly, a man of cheap retrogressive ideas who can’t fully comprehend a matterof any complexity.
I would like to acknowledge the truth in some of the things Mwalimu wrote. It is indeed true that we were both broke when we arrived at KU for the current session. What he did not say is that he never has money. As he has repeatedly said himself, we do not know how rich he is but we are sure of how poor he is. This explains why for three consecutive sessions in KU, he has successfully encouraged me to pirate in other people’s rooms like him.
Living with Mwalimu is a complicated affair. Things are better here right now because the state of his pocket has condemned him to bananas. Last session it was difficult because he could afford sukuma wiki on a regular basis. He was free to convert himself into a rabbit if he wanted. The problem was he kept sukuma wiki for so long, almost with the intention of turning it into manure before cooking.
I also find it necessary to comment on Mwalimu’s dressing. I would consider him a man of talent if he dressed in his green suits with a singular objective of amusing people. On the contrary, he dresses that way with the intention of looking good. The ladies he says he impresses in fact only follow him because of his peculiar attire. They find it quite adventurous to be in the company of a man who unknowingly cuts such a comical figure. These ladies have eventually turned him into an absurdity. He is now under the imagination that he is a ladies’-man. Indeed, his relations with the female species has only led him to a lot of trouble – most of which I do not want to reveal here.
I would like to end by issuing a disclaimer. I have made the comments above in absolute good faith. Any negative portrayal of Mwalimu is therefore regretted and beyond my original intention. He is a good friend of mine. That is not to say that he can improve on a few aspects of his life. Starting with his dressing!
Regards,
wesongarobert@yahoo.com
Saturday, October 22, 2011
RIGHT OF REPLY - My Sister Caro's Side of the story
Dear Readers,
My name is Caro, Mwalimu Andrew’s younger sister. The
purpose of writing this piece is to set the record straight. My brother Mwalimu
Andrew has a personal column in the Sunday
Nation newspaper titled Staffroom
Diary. In it he has negatively mentioned my name thrice. The first time was
when Andrew, or more commonly Dre, publicly warned me to stay away from Cate,
his former girlfriend (August 14, 2011). The other two times was when he accused
me of telling the whole village, Mwisho wa Lami, that he had won and
lost a vehicle
in a Safaricom competition (September 16, and 23, 2011). These lies have made
me the subject of ridicule at the village. My parents also think that I am the
cause of sibling rivalry between Dre and I. Even his student, Anastacia has
started the ‘Save Dre from Caro’ campaign on Facebook, on account of these
allegations. However, I will prove that
all of these allegations are false, just like Dre’s friend Wesonga did. Dre had
wrongly accused Wesonga of making his life difficult at Kenyatta University
(KU).
Cate and I had been friends even
before Dre came along. We still are. For him to publicly warn me from being her
friend due to their fall out, will not work. He has often stated that
he broke-up
with Cate because she accused him of impregnating her. The truth is that Cate
found someone better than Dre. Also, he is too scared to get anyone pregnant
because he fears responsibility. His salary is too small and he is too selfish.
Besides, dad would not allow Dre to bring in his family to our home.
As for stating that I told everyone that he
had won and lost the Safaricom vehicle, at the time I had better things to do.
This was in September when the Joint Admissions Board chose me to join
KU this year.
While Andrew went around telling everyone about his Safaricom ‘success’, I was
out in the market selling vegetables to raise pocket money to go with to KU.
The capital to my business venture had been provided by my other brother, Pius.
My parents had only managed to raise the fees. Dre was too cash strapped to
even spare a shilling. His promise had been that when he picked up his
Safaricom car, he would transport me to KU. Besides saving my parents’ fare,
the pickup would have enough room for all the food I would carry. Dre has often
told me about the ‘drought’ in university
I am sure that even, you, the reader, would not
have realized this had I not told you. You only see the characters from Dre’s
life through his eyes. Despite his lies, I still look up to him. Even when he
continually makes these false allegations against me. Like the time
when he accused
me of telling everyone that he had won an educational scholarship to the
University of Netherlands. That is, however, a story for another day. Dre has
his shortcomings but he is still my brother. He is a good teacher as he has
made Kiswahili and CRE understandable subjects at Mwisho wa Lami Primary. I
speak here as his former student, although he ensured that he harassed me every
opportunity he got. Which goes to show that he would rather keep his job, than
be called nepotistic.
To all the concerned villagers at
Mwisho wa Lami and to my parents, that is my truth and I am sticking to it.
Dre, I know that you are the torchbearer of ‘Whispers’. Thus, you create
stories, but unlike him, you sometimes do not base them on facts. Rectify this.
While you are it, talk to Pius on backing you up to start the
Staffroom Diary FM radio station. As for Anastacia, your loyalty to my
brother is
admirable. In fact, you and I should get together so that I can tell
you about The Netherlands story
My name is Caro, Mwalimu Andrew’s younger sister. The
purpose of writing this piece is to set the record straight. My brother Mwalimu
Andrew has a personal column in the Sunday
Nation newspaper titled Staffroom
Diary. In it he has negatively mentioned my name thrice. The first time was
when Andrew, or more commonly Dre, publicly warned me to stay away from Cate,
his former girlfriend (August 14, 2011). The other two times was when he accused
me of telling the whole village, Mwisho wa Lami, that he had won and
lost a vehicle
in a Safaricom competition (September 16, and 23, 2011). These lies have made
me the subject of ridicule at the village. My parents also think that I am the
cause of sibling rivalry between Dre and I. Even his student, Anastacia has
started the ‘Save Dre from Caro’ campaign on Facebook, on account of these
allegations. However, I will prove that
all of these allegations are false, just like Dre’s friend Wesonga did. Dre had
wrongly accused Wesonga of making his life difficult at Kenyatta University
(KU).
Cate and I had been friends even
before Dre came along. We still are. For him to publicly warn me from being her
friend due to their fall out, will not work. He has often stated that
he broke-up
with Cate because she accused him of impregnating her. The truth is that Cate
found someone better than Dre. Also, he is too scared to get anyone pregnant
because he fears responsibility. His salary is too small and he is too selfish.
Besides, dad would not allow Dre to bring in his family to our home.
As for stating that I told everyone that he
had won and lost the Safaricom vehicle, at the time I had better things to do.
This was in September when the Joint Admissions Board chose me to join
KU this year.
While Andrew went around telling everyone about his Safaricom ‘success’, I was
out in the market selling vegetables to raise pocket money to go with to KU.
The capital to my business venture had been provided by my other brother, Pius.
My parents had only managed to raise the fees. Dre was too cash strapped to
even spare a shilling. His promise had been that when he picked up his
Safaricom car, he would transport me to KU. Besides saving my parents’ fare,
the pickup would have enough room for all the food I would carry. Dre has often
told me about the ‘drought’ in university
I am sure that even, you, the reader, would not
have realized this had I not told you. You only see the characters from Dre’s
life through his eyes. Despite his lies, I still look up to him. Even when he
continually makes these false allegations against me. Like the time
when he accused
me of telling everyone that he had won an educational scholarship to the
University of Netherlands. That is, however, a story for another day. Dre has
his shortcomings but he is still my brother. He is a good teacher as he has
made Kiswahili and CRE understandable subjects at Mwisho wa Lami Primary. I
speak here as his former student, although he ensured that he harassed me every
opportunity he got. Which goes to show that he would rather keep his job, than
be called nepotistic.
To all the concerned villagers at
Mwisho wa Lami and to my parents, that is my truth and I am sticking to it.
Dre, I know that you are the torchbearer of ‘Whispers’. Thus, you create
stories, but unlike him, you sometimes do not base them on facts. Rectify this.
While you are it, talk to Pius on backing you up to start the
Staffroom Diary FM radio station. As for Anastacia, your loyalty to my
brother is
admirable. In fact, you and I should get together so that I can tell
you about The Netherlands story
Monday, December 13, 2010
Why I will not be stepping in any Lab any time soon
mwalimuandrew@gmail.com
School laboratories always fascinate me. Perhaps this is because the secondary school that I attended had no lab. If you remember, I touched a pipette for the first time in my life during my KCSE Chemistry practical exams – at a neighbouring school. For four years, we only learnt theory as we had no facilities. During chemistry lessons, our teacher always talked of how some chemicals reacted to produce a pungent smell, while others generated a white precipitate.
“Unfortunately, we do not have a lab, so I can’t show you ‘live live’. But if you are lucky one day to enter a lab, try out these things and you will remember you can try these reactions.”
During our KCSE exams, we trekked some 15KMs to the neighbouring school for the practicals – with our teacher spending the first half an hour teaching us the difference between a burette and a pipette! I scored a strong D in Chemistry – a record that was only broken recently. I would have scored an A- if our school had been well equipped.
So when I was sent to St Theresa’s to invigilate KSCE, I looked forward to the practical exams since I planned to try out some of the tests I was taught long ago – but which I never got an opportunity to observe.
The first practical exam was Physics. Physics and I were a case of hate at first sight. I dropped it in Form 1 week 1 – although I continued sitting for physics exams for two years – writing only my name in many of the tests! Physics wasn’t that tough for me but I never saw any way pendulums were going to add any value to my life!
On the day for physics last week, we were served early lunch a few minutes after the practical sessions began and we left the physics teacher to handle the exams as our food was getting cold. Even if we had attended the entire session, I doubt we would have been of any help.
Next was Biology practicals. Biology initially interested me since my father always wanted me follow Alfayo’s footsteps. Alfayo is our neighbour and village doctor, who used to move around with his bicycle injecting kids with Procaine for every ailment. He was very respected by our parents. Layer I learnt that Alfayo had been a messenger at the District Health Centre – during which time he had learnt how to use a syringe. On hearing this, I gave up my dream of being a doctor, and lost interest in Biology.
I did not even move near the lab during the biology practicals. My day was Friday, the day for Chemistry practicals. I arrived at school early morning, and found Madam Kagendo and two other students in the lab preparing for the exams. It was a scene to behold: well arranged burettes, Bunsen burners, test tubes etc. I loved the smell of mixed chemicals, and the sight of the colourful flames.
“We shall be ready by 9 o’clock for the first group,” said Kagendo. We ushered in the first group of students at 9.20. With Madam Kagendo and the lab assistant around, we left for breakfast. I left the other invigilators still taking breakfast, the woman complaining that the smell in the lab was nauseated her.
“I don’t want to miscarry,” she said
I arrived just as the first group was finishing. Three students, including Annastacia, came in to prepare the lab for the next group
Once we gave them the papers, I joined the lab assistant in his office, partitioned from the main lab using card board. There were many chemicals all over, in pretty bottles.
Just then, a student’s test tube broke and the lab assistant went to assist – leaving me in the office alone. . Here was my opportunity to carry out a few tests. Next to me was a bottle that when I opened had some two solid particles. On the bottle was written K, and I assumed the Lab assistant had marked the bottles alphabetically as I could see H, N, O etc.
I decided to mix the contents in the K bottle with Spirit to see what happens. Somehow, I felt that these could be a dangerous reaction so I decided to try with water. There was water in a basin nearby so I opened the bottle, and dropped the contents from Bottle K into the water. I can’t remember well what happened next, but I remember hearing some explosions followed by huge flames and fumes. I jumped out of the lab as the flames and fumes increased. The students who were doing the practicals ran away – as teaches and the lab assistant rushed to the room.
The school gate keeper poured in a pail of water in the room, but this only increased the flames. The fire was only put down by the lab assistant using a fire extinguisher.
“What happened?” Madam Kagendo asked.
“I don’t know, but Potassium Metal accidentally came in contact with water,” the lab assistant said - shaken.
“Do you know potassium exothermically reacts with water causing explosive flames?”
“I must have forgotten it uncovered,” he said. With no one suspecting me, I joined the other invigilators in looking for the candidates - some of whom had run away with the exam papers when the fires began.
Afraid of the fires, we only gave out the papers and sat far away from the labs. As for me, am not returning to any laboratory any time soon.
School laboratories always fascinate me. Perhaps this is because the secondary school that I attended had no lab. If you remember, I touched a pipette for the first time in my life during my KCSE Chemistry practical exams – at a neighbouring school. For four years, we only learnt theory as we had no facilities. During chemistry lessons, our teacher always talked of how some chemicals reacted to produce a pungent smell, while others generated a white precipitate.
“Unfortunately, we do not have a lab, so I can’t show you ‘live live’. But if you are lucky one day to enter a lab, try out these things and you will remember you can try these reactions.”
During our KCSE exams, we trekked some 15KMs to the neighbouring school for the practicals – with our teacher spending the first half an hour teaching us the difference between a burette and a pipette! I scored a strong D in Chemistry – a record that was only broken recently. I would have scored an A- if our school had been well equipped.
So when I was sent to St Theresa’s to invigilate KSCE, I looked forward to the practical exams since I planned to try out some of the tests I was taught long ago – but which I never got an opportunity to observe.
The first practical exam was Physics. Physics and I were a case of hate at first sight. I dropped it in Form 1 week 1 – although I continued sitting for physics exams for two years – writing only my name in many of the tests! Physics wasn’t that tough for me but I never saw any way pendulums were going to add any value to my life!
On the day for physics last week, we were served early lunch a few minutes after the practical sessions began and we left the physics teacher to handle the exams as our food was getting cold. Even if we had attended the entire session, I doubt we would have been of any help.
Next was Biology practicals. Biology initially interested me since my father always wanted me follow Alfayo’s footsteps. Alfayo is our neighbour and village doctor, who used to move around with his bicycle injecting kids with Procaine for every ailment. He was very respected by our parents. Layer I learnt that Alfayo had been a messenger at the District Health Centre – during which time he had learnt how to use a syringe. On hearing this, I gave up my dream of being a doctor, and lost interest in Biology.
I did not even move near the lab during the biology practicals. My day was Friday, the day for Chemistry practicals. I arrived at school early morning, and found Madam Kagendo and two other students in the lab preparing for the exams. It was a scene to behold: well arranged burettes, Bunsen burners, test tubes etc. I loved the smell of mixed chemicals, and the sight of the colourful flames.
“We shall be ready by 9 o’clock for the first group,” said Kagendo. We ushered in the first group of students at 9.20. With Madam Kagendo and the lab assistant around, we left for breakfast. I left the other invigilators still taking breakfast, the woman complaining that the smell in the lab was nauseated her.
“I don’t want to miscarry,” she said
I arrived just as the first group was finishing. Three students, including Annastacia, came in to prepare the lab for the next group
Once we gave them the papers, I joined the lab assistant in his office, partitioned from the main lab using card board. There were many chemicals all over, in pretty bottles.
Just then, a student’s test tube broke and the lab assistant went to assist – leaving me in the office alone. . Here was my opportunity to carry out a few tests. Next to me was a bottle that when I opened had some two solid particles. On the bottle was written K, and I assumed the Lab assistant had marked the bottles alphabetically as I could see H, N, O etc.
I decided to mix the contents in the K bottle with Spirit to see what happens. Somehow, I felt that these could be a dangerous reaction so I decided to try with water. There was water in a basin nearby so I opened the bottle, and dropped the contents from Bottle K into the water. I can’t remember well what happened next, but I remember hearing some explosions followed by huge flames and fumes. I jumped out of the lab as the flames and fumes increased. The students who were doing the practicals ran away – as teaches and the lab assistant rushed to the room.
The school gate keeper poured in a pail of water in the room, but this only increased the flames. The fire was only put down by the lab assistant using a fire extinguisher.
“What happened?” Madam Kagendo asked.
“I don’t know, but Potassium Metal accidentally came in contact with water,” the lab assistant said - shaken.
“Do you know potassium exothermically reacts with water causing explosive flames?”
“I must have forgotten it uncovered,” he said. With no one suspecting me, I joined the other invigilators in looking for the candidates - some of whom had run away with the exam papers when the fires began.
Afraid of the fires, we only gave out the papers and sat far away from the labs. As for me, am not returning to any laboratory any time soon.
Laptop virus that spoilt my presentation
mwalimuandew@gmail.com
When our AEO called for a meeting for all Primary School Heads and Deputies, I planned to use this opportunity to win favour with him – with an eye on a promotion.
In the invite, the AEO had asked each of us to draw strategic plans for our schools and share this at the forum in an effort towards “making our division the epitome of best academic practice in our great county.”
A week before the meeting, our HM, Mr Juma, called me from Mombsa where he was attending a Heads meeting and asked to prepare the presentation. “You will also present it at the meeting,” he also said.
I knew that his English was poor and so he never wanted to embarrass himself by presenting the plan before his seniors and colleagues.
I spent last weekend preparing the plan, but when I showed Pius what I had done, he had other ideas. “You have a laptop, use it for the presentation,” he advised.
When I told him I was not good with laptops, he helped me come with a presentation on the laptop with the information I wanted organized in such a way that it bounced on the computer every time I clicked any button.
Pius also encouraged me to use the laptop to perform my job better. “What did you buy it for?” he asked. When I told him that we do not need computers in our job, he laughed off at this.
“You can prepare your schemes of work here and update them after every lesson,” he explained. “You can also enter the students’ mark on it and easily and accurately calculate get their totals, averages, ranks, at a click of a button.”
Following this, I started going with the laptop to school every day since last Monday. Although I rarely use it, every time someone comes into my office, I immediately switch it on and pretend to be busy with it. Just as expected, word spread around other schools that there is deputy who runs the school on a laptop. The only challenge is that I have to charge it at the neighbouring secondary school every morning.
So on the day of the meeting last Thursday, I woke up early, and put on my latest Kaunda suit. Under the Kaunda suit, I put on the yellow T-shirts we used during the 2007 elections. This really matched with my white Reeboks and red socks.
I passed by school to ensure that all was fine – then rode my bicycle to the venue of the meeting, arriving to find the place milling with many teachers. All the trees around had already been taken and I had difficulty finding a place to park my bicycle. Since the meeting had not begun, I sat behind, took out my laptop and started going through my presentation again. This attracted other teachers who surrounded me marveling at the laptop and asking many questions.
“Is it true that if a student sneaks out of school you can see it on the computer? Can it tell you the teachers who arrived late? Can it show tell you how many teachers are absent today in your school? Is it more expensive than a motor cycle?” These are some of the questions that I was asked.
Soon after, the meeting began and I switched it off to save battery since I had not charged it that morning.
“With the creation of a new county, we need to start positioning ourselves early enough so that we remain relevant in the new county dispensation,” started the AEO. “This is going to be a performance based meeting and so I expect each Head or Deputy to present facts.”
Three Heads made their presentations. They simply went in front with a piece of paper and read aloud with little elaboration. Next our school was called and Juma gestured on me to go make the presentation.
I walked in front with my laptop and greeted everyone as I unpacked it. I placed it on the table from where only the AEO and other senior officials could read what I had on it.
“Professional colleagues, my presentation is entitled Marching our school to the next level under the new constitutional dispensation,” I said. Just when I was still on the introduction, something popped up on the computer screen: Low Battery, it read. I knew that I had to present very fast but elaborate fully as I noticed the AEO, who was behind me, taking notes from my presentation, something he had not done as the other teachers presented.
Abruptly, the screen of the laptop went black and the following message appeared on the screen: Preparing to Hibernate. Even before I could do anything, the laptop just went off at a time when I had just started my presentation.
This really confused me as everything was on the laptop and I had not written it on paper. I tried to switch it on but it only produced a loud beeping sound. “Am sorry my computer has been attached by a deadly virus and I have to rush to have it removed,” I said as I packed it ready to leave. Everyone was disappointed.
I went straight to St Theresa’s where Mr. Mboya helped me repair it. “The laptop had a very dangerous Virus,” he said after repairing. He said that he suspected that the laptop must have contracted the virus when I allowed a few teachers to touch it. He charged me Sh3500 for the repair. Going forward, I will not allow just anyone to touch my laptop.
When our AEO called for a meeting for all Primary School Heads and Deputies, I planned to use this opportunity to win favour with him – with an eye on a promotion.
In the invite, the AEO had asked each of us to draw strategic plans for our schools and share this at the forum in an effort towards “making our division the epitome of best academic practice in our great county.”
A week before the meeting, our HM, Mr Juma, called me from Mombsa where he was attending a Heads meeting and asked to prepare the presentation. “You will also present it at the meeting,” he also said.
I knew that his English was poor and so he never wanted to embarrass himself by presenting the plan before his seniors and colleagues.
I spent last weekend preparing the plan, but when I showed Pius what I had done, he had other ideas. “You have a laptop, use it for the presentation,” he advised.
When I told him I was not good with laptops, he helped me come with a presentation on the laptop with the information I wanted organized in such a way that it bounced on the computer every time I clicked any button.
Pius also encouraged me to use the laptop to perform my job better. “What did you buy it for?” he asked. When I told him that we do not need computers in our job, he laughed off at this.
“You can prepare your schemes of work here and update them after every lesson,” he explained. “You can also enter the students’ mark on it and easily and accurately calculate get their totals, averages, ranks, at a click of a button.”
Following this, I started going with the laptop to school every day since last Monday. Although I rarely use it, every time someone comes into my office, I immediately switch it on and pretend to be busy with it. Just as expected, word spread around other schools that there is deputy who runs the school on a laptop. The only challenge is that I have to charge it at the neighbouring secondary school every morning.
So on the day of the meeting last Thursday, I woke up early, and put on my latest Kaunda suit. Under the Kaunda suit, I put on the yellow T-shirts we used during the 2007 elections. This really matched with my white Reeboks and red socks.
I passed by school to ensure that all was fine – then rode my bicycle to the venue of the meeting, arriving to find the place milling with many teachers. All the trees around had already been taken and I had difficulty finding a place to park my bicycle. Since the meeting had not begun, I sat behind, took out my laptop and started going through my presentation again. This attracted other teachers who surrounded me marveling at the laptop and asking many questions.
“Is it true that if a student sneaks out of school you can see it on the computer? Can it tell you the teachers who arrived late? Can it show tell you how many teachers are absent today in your school? Is it more expensive than a motor cycle?” These are some of the questions that I was asked.
Soon after, the meeting began and I switched it off to save battery since I had not charged it that morning.
“With the creation of a new county, we need to start positioning ourselves early enough so that we remain relevant in the new county dispensation,” started the AEO. “This is going to be a performance based meeting and so I expect each Head or Deputy to present facts.”
Three Heads made their presentations. They simply went in front with a piece of paper and read aloud with little elaboration. Next our school was called and Juma gestured on me to go make the presentation.
I walked in front with my laptop and greeted everyone as I unpacked it. I placed it on the table from where only the AEO and other senior officials could read what I had on it.
“Professional colleagues, my presentation is entitled Marching our school to the next level under the new constitutional dispensation,” I said. Just when I was still on the introduction, something popped up on the computer screen: Low Battery, it read. I knew that I had to present very fast but elaborate fully as I noticed the AEO, who was behind me, taking notes from my presentation, something he had not done as the other teachers presented.
Abruptly, the screen of the laptop went black and the following message appeared on the screen: Preparing to Hibernate. Even before I could do anything, the laptop just went off at a time when I had just started my presentation.
This really confused me as everything was on the laptop and I had not written it on paper. I tried to switch it on but it only produced a loud beeping sound. “Am sorry my computer has been attached by a deadly virus and I have to rush to have it removed,” I said as I packed it ready to leave. Everyone was disappointed.
I went straight to St Theresa’s where Mr. Mboya helped me repair it. “The laptop had a very dangerous Virus,” he said after repairing. He said that he suspected that the laptop must have contracted the virus when I allowed a few teachers to touch it. He charged me Sh3500 for the repair. Going forward, I will not allow just anyone to touch my laptop.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
LOLl!, How I got on Facebook
When I arrived at St Theresa’s and was asked to teach composition in Form 2W, I accepted, although my TP was specifically in Kiswahili and CRE. After all, in primary school, I taught all subjects.
I used my years of experience in teaching Insha to help the girls improve their English. In Insha, we always reward students for using misamiati and misemo, and I therefore was keen to see the girls use vocabulary in composition. I therefore demanded that the students spend an hour with the dictionary every week getting new words. I would give three extra marks for every vocabulary used in a composition.
Having been brought up in Nairobi, Anastasia’s compositions were always the best. She uses good vocabulary in every composition but in the last one I gave out, she used so many new words – most of which were not in any dictionary.
I had asked them to write a composition entitled A friend in need is a friend in deed. “You will get more marks for using new vocabulary,” I reminded them. What Annastacia wrote amazed me. Excerpts:
Lol, Eric is my friend indeed. I confirmed him after xeeing that he was my bro’s peep xo I felt xafe friending him. Juzi, Coz of his status, I xuxpected he was having a NKT day. Rather than wall him, I dcded 2inbox him since inboxing is mo private.
Xo I poked him. He poked back. The day b4, I had unfriended him after he pissd me off. I friended him again and we began 2chat.
Me: Xaxa dude
Eric: Nkt, not fine gal
Me: WTH is the problem.
Eric: No prlbm, jst mcd u!
Me: Lolest, UHKMO
Eric: OMG, what does that mean?
Me: You have killed me off
Eric: that’s a new one. Rotfl
Me: Lolest
Eric: Brb, lemme get 2ma diggz
Me: Xawa, Tk care, L8erz
That is when I knew that a friend indeed is a friend in need.
I shared this with Mr. Maina and Mrs. Muindi who also could not understand this. They also complained of receiving compositions with words not found in dictionaries. We decided to do something about it.
We set aside Monday to Thursday as English days and the rest as Swahili days. Except during a lesson, all students were expected to only speak the designated language of the day. We then introduced wooden disks per class and anyone who contravened the language of the day would be given the Disk. Twice every week, we followed up on who had the disk and punished all the students who had held it.
After a week, we informed the staffroom that the rule would also apply to teachers during the Friday parade. “We have to lead by example by speaking fluent Swahili on Friday Parade,” said Mr. Maina in a staff meeting. After a long debate, the other teachers grudgingly accepted.
Together with Mr. Maina, we met all class prefects and told them that on Friday parade, even teachers would speak Swahili. Come the next Friday parades, and most teachers did not speak. The Deputy, who teaches biology, stayed away for two consecutive Fridays – as she could not speak Swahili.
But last Friday since the Principal was around, she had no choice but to address the school in Swahili.
“Shikamo wanafunzi,” she started and the students answered Marahaba loudly.
“Allekum Salaam?” She then asked. There was loud laughter but she soldiered on.
“Lijuma hili limekuwa lijuma lizuri sana, na wote mmefanyeko maduties zenu kama expected,”
She went on: “Jana wakati wa preps nimekutananga na wengi wenyu nje mkiendana msalabani,” the students roared in laughter. She had called toilets msalabani, instead of msalani!
She could not continue in Swahili. “I wish to announce that toilets remain out of bounds during preps time.” Just then, several students walked to the centre of the parade and attempted to give her the Language Disk.
“Leo ni siku ya Kiswahili, mbona unazungumza Kimombo,” Anastasia shouted. Luckily for us, the Principal brought the whole commotion to an end. She then called for a staff meeting in which she wanted to know why we had implemented the language rule.
“Madam Principal, if you see some of the compositions the students are writing, you will be shocked,” I said then read the composition Annastacia had written.
All teachers did not understand this, except Jasmine and Mboya. “Lol, you mean you have never heard of Facebook language?” Jasmine wondered.
“What’s Facebook?” asked Mrs. Muindi
“OMG! @Andrew and @Maina, kwani you are not on Facebook, mnnaishi wapi?”
Jasmine then explained to us what Facebook was. The same day, Mboya’s helped me join Facebook on his computer. He then introduced me to many friends and taught me how to ‘Facebook’ on my phone.
It’s not even a week since I joined and yet I have so very many big friends including Martha Karua, William Ruto, Raila Odinga, Churchill, Presidents Obama, and Jonathan Goodluck of Nigeria. Every day, Obama and Jonathan write to me telling me what they are doing in their country. But President Kibaki refused to be my friend. He told me that he already has too many friends when I requested to be his friend.
Lol! I have been facebooking on my phone all day ever since. Thanx Xtine Njeru, my Facebook friend, who has been t’ching me Facebook language. NKT, I hope Cate doesn’t know about dis!
XIXO, You too can be my friend on Facebook: www.facebook.com/mwalimuandrew
I used my years of experience in teaching Insha to help the girls improve their English. In Insha, we always reward students for using misamiati and misemo, and I therefore was keen to see the girls use vocabulary in composition. I therefore demanded that the students spend an hour with the dictionary every week getting new words. I would give three extra marks for every vocabulary used in a composition.
Having been brought up in Nairobi, Anastasia’s compositions were always the best. She uses good vocabulary in every composition but in the last one I gave out, she used so many new words – most of which were not in any dictionary.
I had asked them to write a composition entitled A friend in need is a friend in deed. “You will get more marks for using new vocabulary,” I reminded them. What Annastacia wrote amazed me. Excerpts:
Lol, Eric is my friend indeed. I confirmed him after xeeing that he was my bro’s peep xo I felt xafe friending him. Juzi, Coz of his status, I xuxpected he was having a NKT day. Rather than wall him, I dcded 2inbox him since inboxing is mo private.
Xo I poked him. He poked back. The day b4, I had unfriended him after he pissd me off. I friended him again and we began 2chat.
Me: Xaxa dude
Eric: Nkt, not fine gal
Me: WTH is the problem.
Eric: No prlbm, jst mcd u!
Me: Lolest, UHKMO
Eric: OMG, what does that mean?
Me: You have killed me off
Eric: that’s a new one. Rotfl
Me: Lolest
Eric: Brb, lemme get 2ma diggz
Me: Xawa, Tk care, L8erz
That is when I knew that a friend indeed is a friend in need.
I shared this with Mr. Maina and Mrs. Muindi who also could not understand this. They also complained of receiving compositions with words not found in dictionaries. We decided to do something about it.
We set aside Monday to Thursday as English days and the rest as Swahili days. Except during a lesson, all students were expected to only speak the designated language of the day. We then introduced wooden disks per class and anyone who contravened the language of the day would be given the Disk. Twice every week, we followed up on who had the disk and punished all the students who had held it.
After a week, we informed the staffroom that the rule would also apply to teachers during the Friday parade. “We have to lead by example by speaking fluent Swahili on Friday Parade,” said Mr. Maina in a staff meeting. After a long debate, the other teachers grudgingly accepted.
Together with Mr. Maina, we met all class prefects and told them that on Friday parade, even teachers would speak Swahili. Come the next Friday parades, and most teachers did not speak. The Deputy, who teaches biology, stayed away for two consecutive Fridays – as she could not speak Swahili.
But last Friday since the Principal was around, she had no choice but to address the school in Swahili.
“Shikamo wanafunzi,” she started and the students answered Marahaba loudly.
“Allekum Salaam?” She then asked. There was loud laughter but she soldiered on.
“Lijuma hili limekuwa lijuma lizuri sana, na wote mmefanyeko maduties zenu kama expected,”
She went on: “Jana wakati wa preps nimekutananga na wengi wenyu nje mkiendana msalabani,” the students roared in laughter. She had called toilets msalabani, instead of msalani!
She could not continue in Swahili. “I wish to announce that toilets remain out of bounds during preps time.” Just then, several students walked to the centre of the parade and attempted to give her the Language Disk.
“Leo ni siku ya Kiswahili, mbona unazungumza Kimombo,” Anastasia shouted. Luckily for us, the Principal brought the whole commotion to an end. She then called for a staff meeting in which she wanted to know why we had implemented the language rule.
“Madam Principal, if you see some of the compositions the students are writing, you will be shocked,” I said then read the composition Annastacia had written.
All teachers did not understand this, except Jasmine and Mboya. “Lol, you mean you have never heard of Facebook language?” Jasmine wondered.
“What’s Facebook?” asked Mrs. Muindi
“OMG! @Andrew and @Maina, kwani you are not on Facebook, mnnaishi wapi?”
Jasmine then explained to us what Facebook was. The same day, Mboya’s helped me join Facebook on his computer. He then introduced me to many friends and taught me how to ‘Facebook’ on my phone.
It’s not even a week since I joined and yet I have so very many big friends including Martha Karua, William Ruto, Raila Odinga, Churchill, Presidents Obama, and Jonathan Goodluck of Nigeria. Every day, Obama and Jonathan write to me telling me what they are doing in their country. But President Kibaki refused to be my friend. He told me that he already has too many friends when I requested to be his friend.
Lol! I have been facebooking on my phone all day ever since. Thanx Xtine Njeru, my Facebook friend, who has been t’ching me Facebook language. NKT, I hope Cate doesn’t know about dis!
XIXO, You too can be my friend on Facebook: www.facebook.com/mwalimuandrew
Sunday, July 4, 2010
The day my career almost came to an end
About a month ago, the Deputy Principal, Mrs. Kandia, banned all students from making ‘cold power’. She then conducted a search during which she confiscated kilogrammes of sugar and cocoa from the girls’ boxes and lockers. Mrs. Kandia also reduced the lunch and games time – thus creating one extra lesson daily.
These actions did not endear her to students and teachers; and a week later, a warning note was found dropped in her office. She later said that she suspected the note had been placed in her office by a student, but was authored by a teacher. “Only a teacher can write such English,” she alleged.
But the World Cup has given her a chance to redeem herself. It all began when the Principal walked into the staffroom unannounced one morning and found us watching a replay of a match that Ghana had won.
“So this is what you sit here doing all day?” she shouted. “There will be no TV here until the World Cup is over.’”
“Madam Principal,” said Mr. Maina “We can come up with rules during this tournament. The TV has many educational programmes and should not be removed just because of World Cup.”
“If you remove the TV here, these teachers will leave early to go watch matches from their houses,” added Mrs. Kandia, the Deputy. “I prefer them watching the matches where I can see them.”
“No way Madam Deputy,” the PM thundered. “Anyone leaving early will be dealt with.” She ordered the TV to be taken to the store and also announced that students would watch a maximum of two matches every weekend. The next morning, she left for the Head Teachers conference in Mombasa. But Mr. Maina claimed that the PM had actually gone on her private businesses. “The Conference will be covered on TV; you won’t see her on TV!”
A day later, the Deputy ordered the TV back to the staffroom, and announced that different classes would watch every day’s matches in turns. This made her a heroine overnight. “Only a teacher who has no classes will join the students to watch the matches in the DH, or would be allowed in the staffroom during matches,” the Deputy announced. We prepared a timetable for this and for the first few days, she walked around to confirm this.
She must have got tired after two days. Soon after, it was free for all. Most classes ended as soon as World Cup matches began – with most students leaving class to watch the matches. I remember the day Chile was playing Honduras. I was supporting Honduras, as I had never heard of the country.
Since I had a double lesson that afternoon in Form 2W, I went there during lunch time and gave them three Ufahamu exercises to occupy them during the lessons. I returned to the staffroom and settled on the sofa ready for the crunch match. Besides three other teachers, we were joined by Arthur, the bursar and Baraza, the Lab Assistant.
“Imagine Honduras, which had earthquakes, are in World Cup na sisi we are not,” commended the bursar.
“That was Haiti,” said Mboya, laughing. The game began soon after and I had difficulty pronouncing the difficult names of the players.
A few minutes into the game, my phone rang. I wondered why Jasmine, who was in class, was calling me. “Andrew, leo umepatikana,” she started. “Your supervisor from KU has just missed you in Form 2W and is coming to the staffroom.”
“What? Mwathani!, I don’t even have a lesson plan!” Even before I stood from the sofa, he was already at the staffroom door. “Andrew, I am Dr Wasonga from Kenyatta University,”
I welcomed him into the staffroom and pulled a chair for him next to my desk. “I arrived late and went straight to Form 2W as per your timetable. Why were you not in class?” he asked. I told him that we had swapped the lesson with another teacher. “I taught for her in the morning and she was supposed to teach for me in the afternoon but she fell ill.” It was clear that he was not convinced
“Where are your Schemes and records of work?” he asked.
“Sir I have them here,” I explained. “But I forgot the keys to my locker at home.” Just then, the other teachers went wild celebrating Chile’s goal. Dr Wasonga then asked me to prepare for the second lesson of the double. I hurriedly scribbled a lesson plan and went to class with him. The lesson was good, although I called a few students the wrong names, with two of them openly correcting me!
From class, we went to the staffroom where he gave me a long lecture and criticized me for not using teaching aids. Which teaching aids would I have used when teaching how to write kumbukumbu?
He then relaxed a little, smiled and said: “My car has some problem, please come help me,” I followed him to his car as we chatted. Am not good at cars but I suspect his was a new type of Mercedes Benz I had never heard of. The word Platz was written behind.
I helped him change his flat tyre. Once we were done, the car would not start until I called a few school employees to help me push it. “Thank you so much, Andrew. Forget about the earlier altercation we had. You will have a good report,” he said, went back to his car and sped off.
mwalimuandrew@gmail.com
These actions did not endear her to students and teachers; and a week later, a warning note was found dropped in her office. She later said that she suspected the note had been placed in her office by a student, but was authored by a teacher. “Only a teacher can write such English,” she alleged.
But the World Cup has given her a chance to redeem herself. It all began when the Principal walked into the staffroom unannounced one morning and found us watching a replay of a match that Ghana had won.
“So this is what you sit here doing all day?” she shouted. “There will be no TV here until the World Cup is over.’”
“Madam Principal,” said Mr. Maina “We can come up with rules during this tournament. The TV has many educational programmes and should not be removed just because of World Cup.”
“If you remove the TV here, these teachers will leave early to go watch matches from their houses,” added Mrs. Kandia, the Deputy. “I prefer them watching the matches where I can see them.”
“No way Madam Deputy,” the PM thundered. “Anyone leaving early will be dealt with.” She ordered the TV to be taken to the store and also announced that students would watch a maximum of two matches every weekend. The next morning, she left for the Head Teachers conference in Mombasa. But Mr. Maina claimed that the PM had actually gone on her private businesses. “The Conference will be covered on TV; you won’t see her on TV!”
A day later, the Deputy ordered the TV back to the staffroom, and announced that different classes would watch every day’s matches in turns. This made her a heroine overnight. “Only a teacher who has no classes will join the students to watch the matches in the DH, or would be allowed in the staffroom during matches,” the Deputy announced. We prepared a timetable for this and for the first few days, she walked around to confirm this.
She must have got tired after two days. Soon after, it was free for all. Most classes ended as soon as World Cup matches began – with most students leaving class to watch the matches. I remember the day Chile was playing Honduras. I was supporting Honduras, as I had never heard of the country.
Since I had a double lesson that afternoon in Form 2W, I went there during lunch time and gave them three Ufahamu exercises to occupy them during the lessons. I returned to the staffroom and settled on the sofa ready for the crunch match. Besides three other teachers, we were joined by Arthur, the bursar and Baraza, the Lab Assistant.
“Imagine Honduras, which had earthquakes, are in World Cup na sisi we are not,” commended the bursar.
“That was Haiti,” said Mboya, laughing. The game began soon after and I had difficulty pronouncing the difficult names of the players.
A few minutes into the game, my phone rang. I wondered why Jasmine, who was in class, was calling me. “Andrew, leo umepatikana,” she started. “Your supervisor from KU has just missed you in Form 2W and is coming to the staffroom.”
“What? Mwathani!, I don’t even have a lesson plan!” Even before I stood from the sofa, he was already at the staffroom door. “Andrew, I am Dr Wasonga from Kenyatta University,”
I welcomed him into the staffroom and pulled a chair for him next to my desk. “I arrived late and went straight to Form 2W as per your timetable. Why were you not in class?” he asked. I told him that we had swapped the lesson with another teacher. “I taught for her in the morning and she was supposed to teach for me in the afternoon but she fell ill.” It was clear that he was not convinced
“Where are your Schemes and records of work?” he asked.
“Sir I have them here,” I explained. “But I forgot the keys to my locker at home.” Just then, the other teachers went wild celebrating Chile’s goal. Dr Wasonga then asked me to prepare for the second lesson of the double. I hurriedly scribbled a lesson plan and went to class with him. The lesson was good, although I called a few students the wrong names, with two of them openly correcting me!
From class, we went to the staffroom where he gave me a long lecture and criticized me for not using teaching aids. Which teaching aids would I have used when teaching how to write kumbukumbu?
He then relaxed a little, smiled and said: “My car has some problem, please come help me,” I followed him to his car as we chatted. Am not good at cars but I suspect his was a new type of Mercedes Benz I had never heard of. The word Platz was written behind.
I helped him change his flat tyre. Once we were done, the car would not start until I called a few school employees to help me push it. “Thank you so much, Andrew. Forget about the earlier altercation we had. You will have a good report,” he said, went back to his car and sped off.
mwalimuandrew@gmail.com
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